FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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