How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
