I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
