she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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