I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
