Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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