Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i was born a porn star she said
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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