I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
