sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
