I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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