I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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