I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
