just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
