people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
