We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
