if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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