You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
