coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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