Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
