You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
