i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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