Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
