The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
