I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
