Pants 0. Shit 1.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
