dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
