So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
