My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
