Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
