thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
