We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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