Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
