Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
