i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
