I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
