Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
