WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just want nice things and good sex
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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