i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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