just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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