Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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