Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
