We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
