I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
