I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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