dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
