I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
