Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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