At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
