Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
