The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
