yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
