I will die if light touches me.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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