Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
