also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
