I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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