We're facebook friends in real life
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
